Finally, A Chance To Put The Sexual Stupids to Good Use

I was a teenager in the 90’s. It was during the height of No Means No and Take Back the Night. There was a clear suggestion that if you weren’t careful, you could easily be a victim of someone else’s over active libido. You had to be clear, you had to be sober, and you had to pay attention. I listened to Bikini Kill. I wore army boots. I wore baby barrettes in my hair because they wore ironic. I was ready. I was never going to put in a situation where anyone could take advantage of me.



Imagine my surprise when I went to a big state school, drank lots of beers, and almost no one even tried. I soon found that all of those warnings about warding off unwanted sexual advances were pretty unnecessary for me. This was because I rarely got to first base. It seemed that being armed with a bigmouth and a bad attitude worked a little too well. However, there was also something else going on. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had an extreme case of the Sexual Stupids. Unfortunately, I still haven’t fully recovered.



My case of the Sexual Stupids expresses itself in my inability to notice when a man might be trying to put the moves on me. I don’t pick up on what I think people call signals. If someone looks at me across the room, I assume they are looking at the person next to me. I usually don’t comprehend flirtation. Or, if I vaguely do, I assume it’s not serious. If someone gets a little touchy feely during a conversation, I assume they’re Italian. If a little innuendo is thrown into a previously friendly chit chat, I assume it’s a joke. I can’t really explain why or how I developed The Sexual Stupids, I just did. It’s probably why I spent a lot of time listening to Morrissey in high school. My condition obviously has some downsides. It has limited my list of conquests [However, with the many generations of Irish Catholicism pumping through my veins, this is probably a good thing. Sadly, Catholic guilt, even when one is not technically Catholic, is a very real thing]. It has also probably led to a few missed romantic opportunities. Not to say that nothing ever happens, but it often takes a lack of subtlety on my suitor's part. For a pretty smart girl, sometimes I can be pretty dumb.

However, The Sexual Stupids have proven to be a great asset while living here in Indonesia. It is a great place not to notice when people are looking at you. It is also a great place not to notice when people are staring straight at you for an extended period of time, seemingly without blinking. It’s not usually in a sexual way. It’s in more of a Woah, where the hell did that white person come from? sort of way.I don’t blame them. It’s only natural. I am not living in an international city. There are very few Westerners in this little city in the jungle of Borneo. I don’t look like anyone they usually see. This is where the Sexual Stupids come in. Even though I know it happens, I very rarely notice it. I know that I am often stared at by men, women, and children. I just don’t really register it. Therefore, I rarely feel uncomfortable in public. Many other Westerners I know here are constantly frustrated by the stares and comments of strangers. They feel like they are living in a fishbowl. I, on the other hand, am pretty much able to bop around unbothered by it. Maybe living in San Francisco and New York helped me with this, too. There were so many crazy people you had to work very hard to ignore. I got pretty good at not responding to people panhandling, shooting up, or not wearing any pants. In comparison, curious looks from stangers seem pretty easy to miss and harmless.

I was embarrassed when I realized that I had been going to Union Pool, a bar in my neighborhood, for almost a year without realizing it was a notorious meat market. I wasn’t sure what was more disturbing: The fact that nobody had tried to pick me up or the fact that I didn’t even notice that other people were picking each other up obviously and often. I had just liked the fact that it had a nice patio and a killer taco truck. However, now being oblivious sure comes in handy. Yes, I noticed when an old lady did not a double, not a triple, but a quadruple take as I walked down the street. I also noticed when a band of small children followed me through my complex shouting “Hey Bule! Hey Bule! Ha ha ha!” [translation: “Hey, Whitey! Hey, Whitey! Ha ha ha!”]. But to be honest, I don’t really notice much else. This might be one of the first times that I’m really not missing a thing.