This is a picture of Tootsie. She is probably the only animal I have ever liked. Every time I go to visit my friend Carley, I want Tootsie on my lap. If she sits on another lap, I start to feel jealous. I volunteer to take her for walks and give her baths. I talk to her. I have never acted this way around any animal. It might be because Tootsie is more like a stuffed animal with a heartbeat than a dog. She doesn't bark. She doesn't even move around too much. She hates going to the dog park and often has to be carried home. Tootsie likes to rest and watch television. She is a dog I can relate to. I also like my friend Matt's dog Toby. He is a hotdog dog and a very good lap warmer when Matt's house is chilly.
I used to try to pretend that I didn't hate most dogs, or that I had some sort of affection for cats. However, this was pretty much a lie. I tried to hide it for a while because I thought it made me seem cold and mean. In the end, there was no point. I couldn't fool anybody. I'm a terrible liar and there was no way to disguise the fact that I am just not an animal person. I don't like the way they smell and I don't like animal hair on my clothes. I don't usually want them on my lap and I certainly don't want them to lick my face.
My feelings were not improved by the fact that my parents' dog tried to eat my sister a few Christmases ago. I'm pretty sure that if she had not been wearing her Uggs, she would have lost a foot. It seemed to prove every negative thought I'd ever had about dogs. They are not actually your best friend or loyal companion. They are wild animals that might attack you if the mood strikes them. I have never wanted a pet that might try to eat me. Tootsie and Toby don't have the size or energy for that sort of thing, which is one of the reasons I like them.
Given my feelings about the animal kingdom, it was pretty ironic that I spent Christmas having an Animal Party. Alisa, Noreen, and I started off at Phillips Island outside of Melbourne. After leaving our hotel, our first stop was a koala reserve.
This car was parked at out hotel. The message on the back made me happy I am currently in hiatus as a driver.
The koalas were pretty cute. They were a couple of mothers and babies who were hanging out in the trees together. Apparently, koalas are a pretty low energy bunch. The Eucalyptus they eat all day doesn't provide them with a lot of energy. It is the equivalent of a person eating only a single bowl of cornflakes each day. As a result, koalas must spend about 20 hours of each day napping and resting to conserve their energy. This sorta reminded me of Tootsie and helped me to develop a bit of a soft spot for them. They also don't like to be disturbed. They were starting to sound like an animal that I could really get behind.
However, when I returned inside I began reading some more information about the cuddly koala bears outside. I learned that part of the reason they have low numbers of koalas is because many, many of them have Koala Chlamydia. Suddenly, they were starting to sound much less cute. I also remembered that joke my Australian roommate in Japan used to tell and it started to make a lot more sense:
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Of course the koala fell out of the tree! It obviously fell out of the tree because it was a victim of killer koala Chlamydia! Gross! The koalas were starting to sound less and less like my beloved Tootsie.
After visiting the STD riddle koalas, we went to watch the little fairy penguins march up the beach at sunset. They were pretty adorable. It was like watching a real life version of Happy Feat as they waddled through the dunes to go and feed their babies. They also appeared to be STD free. I was in the process of finding another animal cute and lovable.
After being won over by the teeny penguins, our guide began to tell us a bit more about them. He told us how usually each penguin only lays one egg. However, on occasion, they will lay two and two chicks will survive. But both chicks will not go on to become adult penguins. Only one penguin will survive the season by stealing all of the food from it's sibling until they starve to death. I looked over and saw two baby chicks fighting over a single peace of fish. One chick was much larger than the other. The smaller one was clearly losing this sibling death match. This made me wonder if animals are really that cute after all. Noreen had called my Christmas Animal Party a kind of Animal Therapy meant to change my feeling about them. I'm not sure it worked out this way. In the end I'm pretty sure I just like Tootsie, and sometimes Toby.
Australia is beautiful and it was great to take a break from the developing world and drink some wine and speak some fast English. However, I would be a liar if I said that I did not feel a little homesick on Christmas and not just because I learned that the cute little penguins were actually engaged in a death match. I missed watching movies at my Mom's house and making jokes about why she has decided to stop putting up a Christmas tree [because Christmas is for babies, mom has decided to play hardball until someone presents her with a grandchild]. Christmas just doesn't feel like Christmas unless your family is driving you crazy and you are doing the same to them.
I hope Santa was very good to everyone. I'll be back to annoy everyone in The Lucey Family next year.
XOXOXO
